Flaming Cow (Gourmet Burgers) – Ealing Broadway

THIS PLACE HAS PERMANENTLY CLOSED DOWN!

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that as soon as we’d herd news of the opening of a new “gourmet burger” joint, we didn’t need to ruminate over the decision of paying it a visit.

Having milked the Etonions over in Windsor for all they’re worth, Flaming Cow are now looking to claim a steak in Ealing Broadwhey’s vibrant restaurant scene after opening their second ranch last month.

And this 62-cover eatery is quite peculiarly decorated too. While on one side it appears as though a wall has been left unpainted, the other, conversely, boasts the most eye-catching of wall moorals depicting a proud metallic-plated, full-uddered cow triumphantly peering past Ealing’s town hall and famous film studio, and back towards Windsor Castle from whence it came.

Otherwise, Flaming Cow has a cafe-like feel to it with warm, bright lighting which manages to somewhat mask its dark, black ceiling.

And in case you hadn’t noticed (or were going to have a cow over the apparent misspellings), we’ve used cow puns in the above introduction (and a lot of bloody effort it took us too!).

J.R. Johnston’s Original Lemonade (left), Dominion Black Cherry Soda (right) – £3.50 each

They are what they are. The J.R. Johnston’s Original Lemonade was a decently standard lemon drink, while the Dominion Black Cherry Soda (with pure cane sugar) was nice and subtle.

Oreo (left), Salted Caramel (right)
L: £5.40, S: £3.50

Not sure if these were large or small – we’ll assume the latter given the volume – but they were good.

In spite of the lack of salt, which barely came through, the Salted Caramel managed not to be overly sweet, and was, in the end, quite satisfying.

The Oreo – thicker in consistency – had enough bits of crunchy biscuit to give it some texture and body. Very satisfying!

Buffalo Wings – with blue cheese dip and celery, 8 pcs for £6.50

These Buffalo Wings, accompanied with an in-house blue cheese dip, were spectacular!

Not only was the delicious tangy, sourness of the marinade intensified by the extreme heat on which these wings were evidently grilled, but the sticky, almost caramelised exterior, delivered a crunchy chewy contrast.

And with plenty of finger-licking marination found floating at the bottom of the tray, we generously coated the wings in this, before giving them a quick dip in that fairly pungent yet complementary blue cheese dip, and devouring them in one go.

Excuse the pun, but honestly, these were udderly divine.

Double cooked (homemade) herb fries £3

These could have been better. Although we enjoyed the crunchy texture of these rustically cut double-cooked fries, we felt that they deserved a far more liberal sprinkling of herbs.

For those conscious of their salt intake, you should note that salt was added without prior notice.

Sweet potato fries – with chipotle sauce £4

Good crunchy sweet potato fries that came with chipotle sauce that had a really surprising, though pleasant, kick of heat to it with a hint of sweetness in the background.

Pizza Fries – Herb fries with marinara, grilled onion, bacon, pepperoni & cheese £5

Believe it or not, these fries did actually taste of the authentic flavours of an Italian pizza.

With diced red onions providing textural contrast, the mixture of the fragrant marinara sauce, red pepper and lashings of melted gooey cheese, had us tussling for as many pleasurable mouthfuls as possible right the way down to the very last fry. RECOMMENDED!

Chilli Cheese Fries – Homemade chilli beef, herb fries, cheered cheese, sour cream, jalapenos £6

There seemed to us to be a slight disparity between the ratio of the large flavoursome chunks of chilli beef, and the rest of the contents of these Chilli Cheese Fries.

Having said that though, the marriage between the soft and gooey cheesy, and the sour cream sauce, successfully managed to counter the heat generated by the jalalpenos.

Vintage – 40 day dry aged 8oz beef patty, American cheese, diced white onion, gherkins, house mayo, ketchup & mustard £9

This Vintage 40 day, dry aged, 8oz burger was, simply put, on anudder level (okay, we’ll quit with the cow puns now)!

Not only did it exude the delightful aroma of a well made burger, but the beef patty was easily one of the most flavourful we’d ever tasted, and one that was as close to perfectly minced as a burger patty could get.

And whilst there was plenty of the ketchup, mustard and American cheese, it was all about the taste of the textured meat that floored us.

Clearly in a league of its own!

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Barebones Cheese – 6oz beef patty, American cheese, diced white onion, gherkins, house mayo, ketchup & mustard £8

With only one Lion having currently tried this, the verdict is still out. Apparently, it’s so similar to the Vintage that it’s difficult to tell the two apart.

True or not, what’s certainly true is that this Barebones Cheese burger has all the same ingredients as its counterpart, but with a patty 2oz smaller.

PB & J – 6oz beef patty, American cheese, house mayo, chopped lettuce, red onion, gherkins & house mayo £10

Though considered “nothing special” by one Lion, this wasn’t bad at all if you’re looking for something different.

It’s true that we only recently sampled a peanut butter burger over at Band of Burgers in Camden. However, whilst this “needed [a] sauce to counter some of the sweetness and the dry sticky texture of the peanut butter”, the PB & J managed to overcome such shortcomings.

As such, while the peanut butter managed to add that little extra oomph, it was the sour sauce and pickles that managed the all-important task of countering its dry, sweet and sticky nature.

Parmy – Buttermilk chicken fillet, mozzarella, marinara sauce £10

The problem with this Parmy burger was that no one single flavour came through as distinctly as it ought to have.

Hence, while the soft and succulent buttermilk chicken fillet was very well cooked with a touch of crunch to it, the marinara sauce didn’t quite deliver on the strength of flavour – a la Pizza Fries – we would have liked.

10oz Dry Aged Rump Steak – 28 day dry aged Dedham Vale rump steak, rocket and red onion salad & herb fries £15

This 28 day, dry aged, rump steak was cooked medium, and was an incredibly soft and tender piece of meat that seemed to have also been delicately smoked.

Presented with a simple salad, this springy steak was lined with impressive griddle marks, was well charred, and had a deliciously subtle sweet undertone to it.

Dog Standard – Grilled onions, ketchup & mustard £6

Yup; they also do Halal hot dogs.

And yes, it tasted as good as it looks.

And though we believe the picture speaks volumes, we’ll do our job and say that the soft, smoked sausage, snuggled in a soft bun, was smothered in equally soft, caramelised onions, and plenty of sauce. If we could suggest improvements, however, they’d be: 1) a warm bun, 2) a thicker, more meaty sausage, 3) a mixture of both soft and caramelised, as well as fried onions to give some textural contrast.