The Grill, Halal Steak House – Hounslow

THIS BRANCH HAS SINCE CLOSED DOWN!

Alarm bells should have gone off when we walked into an empty restaurant on a Thursday evening. We kid you not when we say that we did an about turn to make certain this was the right place. We were ushered in by one measly little staff member who seemed like he’d just been rudely awoken.

We started the evening with some milkshakes which were good, made from the ice cream on offer – good variety.

The shakes were a bit sweet, and the cans of soft drink came with no glass or even a straw!

Don’t laugh; seriously, that’s what we got. Some supermarket stuff with a… take away garlic dip?! Even now we feel violated. And how on God’s green earth does mash go with bloody burgers?! What, id they run out of chips or something?

For the starters we kept it simple. It was the best thing we ate on the night! Shame it was not made in-house. They also sell pizza at an alleged steak house (don’t ask why). The garlic & herb sauce comes in handy when you can use the same packet sauce for a variety of meals.

We ordered gourmet burgers: 1/4 and 1/2 pounders respectively. There was nothing gourmet about it. The burger was bland, small, and tasteless. Clearly they have no idea how to make burgers.

The rice was stale, reheated, left over, hard to eat, crap. Mash potato on the side of a burger, sauce you can’t see in the burger – what was going on here?! Was this a prank or something? Were they trying to lose perhaps the only customers on the night?

Gourmet Lamb Burger (allegedly) and… wait for it… MASH?!

Gourmet Beef Burger

Still trying to figure out how these two are Gourmet.

At this stage the Lions were still starving. Up came the 14ounz T-bone and rib-eye steaks for the mains.

Beef Rib Eye

T-Bone

We swear to you that these smelled as if they were off or something. It didn’t help suspicions when these were cooked and presented to us within 10 mins flat (stop laughing coz our health was on the line here).

It didn’t matter how we got these cooked – medium, medium well, well up your *$& – nothing was going to save these other than the bin.

Unsurprisingly, one Lion was unable to eat his.

The steaks came with large chips and lettuce.

The chips were from a packet and the discoloured lettuce should not have been there.

There was no sauce with the dishes, until we asked for it (nothing given free here).

If you’re wheel chair bound, don’t bother coming here, and if you do, make sure you use the can before departing because the toilets here were Out Of Order. And if you don’t mind hair and dust in your toilet (2 weeks worth), then be our guest. At least the actual toilet bowl was clean – what a relief (literally).

Who puts up a flippin’ notice like this needs his/ her head examined?! We have a saying in Punjabi, “Makhi choos”, or “Fly sucker”, which means that the guy is so stingy that if a fly fell into his drink, he’d take it out and suck off the excess before discarding of it!

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